I remember my first best friend breakup like it was yesterday. I was minding my own business in fifth grade social studies, when a piece of paper made its way onto my desk.
As I unfolded the paper and skimmed over it, I noticed it was a letter from two of my closest friends. But this wasn’t just any letter, it was a we-don’t-want-to-be-friends-with-you-anymore letter.
My heart started to beat faster and my tears immediately blurred my vision. I shoved the letter into my desk and put my head down, before I started to wallow in self-pity. The rest of my friends gathered around me and asked what was wrong, while trying to comfort me the best way they could. I still had a whole girl group surrounding me, and yet, I thought my world was ending, because of two 10 year old girls.
Since then my friend group has drastically decreased, and although that was the last time I cried over a friendship, it doesn’t mean that losing a best friend has gotten easier.
We’ve heard of girls sobbing while watching rom-coms and eating from a tub of ice cream after a breakup, more times than we can count. Yet no one ever talks about what it feels like to lose a best friend. Just because the relationship was platonic, does not mean that it wasn’t filled with love, trust, and intimacy. Love, trust, and intimacy that you no longer have for someone.
Friends come and go, but some make more of a lasting impact than others. When you breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s your best friend that you turn to, but when you break up with a best friend, your confidant is gone.
I am definitely no stranger to a best friend breakup, there’s four that come to mind right away. One I’m still friends with, but we’re not as close as we once were. One will always say hi if we’re at the same function, and will tell me how cute my outfit is. One replies to my snapchat story sometimes. And one I haven’t spoken to in five years, and still don’t know what happened.
I’ve come to realize that, as long as I know why a friendship ended, I can eventually come to terms with the fact that it happened. But when I have no explanation, no closure, I tend to dwell on what happened and what could have been.
I know it’s not that easy to move on for everyone, so I think it’s important to find ways to cope. Whether that be adjusting your social media so that person doesn’t pop up, trying to meet new people (don’t force it), or immersing yourself in a new hobby, there’s bound to be something that’ll help ease the pain.
It’s easy to pretend that nothing happened, but I think it’s important to let your feelings exist. Let yourself grieve the loss of someone you spent endless days with. Someone who knew exactly how burnt you liked your pancakes. Someone you saw being a part of your bridal party.
Remember that all friendships are not forever. Sometimes a friendship has finished its role in your life, and that person you leaned on has to move on. But that doesn’t mean you have to think negatively every time that person enters your mind. Don’t ever forget all the good memories you had with someone just because they aren’t a part of your life anymore.
And most importantly, remember all the people that are still in your life. Although my circle is quite small compared to what it once was, I’ve never been more content. The best friends I have now are my soulmates, and my heart is too full of love for them to feel sorrow over what once was.
So next time you break up with your best friend, remember that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to be upset, and maybe even shed a tear. But in the end, remember all the wonderful people still in your life, and remember that you can still wish the best for someone, even if you’re not in the immediate picture.