Last time we talked about breakups, it was about those that happen between best friends. Now we’re getting a step closer to an actual breakup. The we-were-never-actually-together breakup is the kind where you’re basically dating and all your friends want you to date, but you’re not actually dating.
Dare I argue that a breakup of this kind, sometimes hurts more than the breakup of an actual relationship?
Whether you were best friends, really just hit it off at party and started talking non-stop, decided you were “exclusive” but not a couple, or whatever other non-label the kids are using these days; these kinds of breakups fucking suck.
It’s like walking into a store and seeing a top that you can immediately imagine yourself wearing until it deteriorates. Yet, for some reason, you don’t buy the top. You go home, but you can’t stop thinking about this top, you absolutely need it in your life. The next week comes by and you find yourself in the same store, fawning over the same top, but you still don’t buy it. You convince yourself that if it’s still there the next time you come in, then it’s meant to be. But guess what, the next time you come in, it’s gone, and you can’t believe it. You keep thinking about all the outfits that could have been, and hope that one day you can find something that can fill you with a similar joy and love.
You feel me?
These kinds of relationships where you’re not actually dating, but like, kind of have a thing, make you feel like your guard doesn’t have to be up higher than Dolly Parton’s hair. You don’t feel like you’re in it too deep, so you don’t feel like you’re going to get hurt. So when you “breakup” it’s a complete blow straight to the head.
The person that was your go-to, the person you told things to that you didn’t think anyone else would care about, the person that you wouldn’t mind being a super grossly cute couple with, suddenly does not exist. What’s even worse is that they’ve probably just continued about with their lives, not realizing what they’ve done.
When you’re stuck in this relationship purgatory, you don’t really know where you’re headed. You’re both clearly into each other, yet nothing is progressing or regressing, until it just completely stops.
What are you supposed to mourn at that point? Where are you supposed to find closure? Should you move on? Should you wait for them to come back around?
While I’ve gone on to be good friends with the guys that have broken up our nonexistent relationships, some still occupy my mind for far longer than I would like them to, any time I’m feeling nostalgic. There’s that small part of you that thinks, maybe one day it’ll still happen. You start to think that, that quote about letting something you love go, and waiting for it to come back to you, is true.
God forbid this person is also a close friend of yours. Then you’ve gone from losing one person, to losing two.
When you start to think that you should have handled things differently for a more favorable result, remember that you weren’t the only one part of that non-relationship.
During this time, I think it’s important to remember that all your feelings are valid. Don’t feel bad for being sad, and don’t feel bad if you need to unfollow this person everywhere to make sure you don’t see them. Do whatever you need to do to get over them and move on.
Also hi, I know I haven’t posted in a while, but I have been in a weird funk, and there’s so much craziness going on, I just haven’t been keen on doing anything. Nonetheless I am back to regular posting, because I remembered that writing keeps me sane. xoxo.
Photo via nanushka