I have been overweight, I have been underweight, and I have been a healthy weight. But one thing that’s never changed is how much someone commenting on my weight never made me feel good.
You’ve heard me talk about my relationship with my body before, but I think it’s time to take it a little bit further.
I remember being 10 years old, going to visit my cousin’s mother-in-law, who I’d never met before. Literally the first thing she said to me, roughly translated from Polish is, “You are so round and plump!”
I remember going to a Super Bowl party and chatting with a group of friends in the kitchen. My friends brother came over and said “Damn Caroline, you’re so skinny!” and placed one hand on my stomach and one behind my low back.
I remember practicing a piece for a dance recital and one of my friends said “I wish I was as skinny as Caroline, but I like my butt, so I’d keep that.”
I remember grabbing something to eat with friends after watching the latest Twilight movie in theaters. Upon finishing my fries, one of my friends commented on how quickly I’d finished them. Not a direct comment on my weight, but enough to make me think it was.
I remember sitting with my friend junior year in AP Calculus and her saying, “My dad saw you walking across the street the other day and said your legs looked really skinny. He was saying he hopes you’re okay.”
I remember working on something for a club I was in where our team manager, a teacher from our school, brought us a bunch of candy and treats his wife had gotten from her students for Christmas. He insisted I eat some more because, “it wouldn’t kill you if you gained some weight.”
I remember talking with some friends senior year while waiting for the day to end and being told “You look so healthy!”
Was being told I was “round and plump” where my body dysmorphia started?
Did eating a certain amount mean I looked a certain way?
Was being skinny a bad thing?
Did looking healthy mean I was getting fat?
Never once did I feel complimented when someone said something about how thin I was. I just felt like they were being dramatic, because I didn’t think I was that thin, and I thought I could actually lose some more weight.
And you’d think that being told I looked healthy would make me feel better about my progress in becoming, well, healthy. But to me it just meant that they could physically see I had gained weight, so it might mean I’d gained too much.
It can be hard to think of these things as issues with your mental health, when they present themselves as physical things, but all of these statements affected me negatively because of my sate of mind, not my state of being.
…all of these statements affected me negatively because of my sate of mind, not my state of being.
Summer is my favorite season, there are few things I love more than feeling sunshine on my bare skin(with a barrier of SPF of course) and the sound of ocean waves.
One thing I don’t love is how everyone suddenly becomes a critic on what certain people should and shouldn’t wear when trying to beat the heat. I’ve noticed that during this time especially, when we’re more revealed, more vulnerable, that comments regarding the way we look are shared more often.
For some reason, it’s very clear to me that you should NOT comment on someone’s weight. I don’t know, am I crazy?
There is absolutely nothing you can tell about a person’s health, happiness, or circumstances based on the way they look. We live in a world where weight loss is seen as “good” and weight gain is seen as “bad”.
There is absolutely nothing you can tell about a person’s health, happiness, or circumstances based on the way they look.
For some, weight loss can be a death sentence. It can mean you haven’t been eating and your body is close to shutting down. It can mean you’re dealing with so much stress that it’s taking over. It can mean you’re dealing with an illness you know not how to control.
On the other hand, weight gain, for some, can mean getting your period back. It can mean your body is absorbing nutrients again. It can mean comfort, love, and happiness.
I have grown since my darkest periods regarding my body, but I still don’t think I could handle a “you look better!” It can be extremely triggering for some people, especially those who have a past of disordered eating, to hear comments about their weight. It can lead to old habits, to old ways of thinking.
I know it’s really hard to believe that someone might be happy with the way they look, whether it fits societies standard of what is “good” or not, but it! is! a! thing! You insinuating that someone’s weight loss looks great, might not be a compliment if they had no intentions of losing weight at all.
In my humble opinion, I feel like commenting on someone’s weight just feeds into diet culture and body positivity( and we all know I’m all about body neutrality). It takes away from what’s important, what your body can do, how healthy you are, how happy you are.
Your body is not good or bad, it just is.
Now I’m not saying you can never compliment someone ever again, so help you God. But think about the next time you want to make a comment about someone’s weight. Do you really think it’s going to make them feel better? Do you know what they’re going through? Do you know if they’ll care? Like… really care?
Your body is not good or bad, it just is.
My mind is always all over the place when talking about topics like this, but I hope you took something away from it. Let me know in the comments if you’ve had any situations where a comment about your weight didn’t leave you as chipper as you’d expected.