Have you ever gotten a compliment that didn’t really feel like a compliment?
You find yourself thinking, “I know they meant it as a compliment, but… did they actually?”
Here’s the thing, I know I wear clothes that stand out sometimes. Whether it’s every single color I own, a loud print that refuses to be silenced, or two pieces fighting against each other in order to work together, I know my outfits aren’t always “conventional”.
With that being said, every time someone says “I could never pull that off” when talking about something I’m wearing, I’m left with an eye tremor. Because, why? Why couldn’t you pull it off? Are you just trying to tell me it’s ugly without actually telling me it’s ugly?
Telling me you couldn’t pull off my outfit sounds like a passive aggressive way of telling me you don’t actually like it. Granted, I don’t actually care if someone likes my outfit or not, because if I feel good in it, that’s all that really matters to me, but that “compliment” makes me violent.
It makes me feel like I’m doing something so mind boggling, when really I just put some material on my body and thought, “ooh, cute.”
Hearing this from someone recently, I started to wonder what other non-compliments bother people. Here are some responses that I got:
I think you can clearly see a trend here.
All of these non-compliments have a hint of negativity. A comparison from better to worse. A suggestion to change. A touch of surprise.
Sometimes I feel like people say these things from a place of insecurity or jealousy and sometimes I just don’t think people know any better, and they should.
“Compliments” like these also make me think of all the different microaggressions people hear on a daily basis. This isn’t something I can relate to directly, but I see and hear it happen all the times with my friends and loved ones, and it’s not okay.
Why do people feel the need to call someone brave for wearing a crop top, when they are anything but a size 25 inch waist? Why is it surprising that someone with a darker complexion is pretty? Why is it an assumption that someone’s lips are fake just because they’re larger? Why does what someone puts on their face, or does with their face, dictate their beauty? Why is losing weight automatically a compliment?
Why are humans so passive-aggressive?
I know not everyone thinks the same way I do, and I know we all have different likes, opinions, thoughts. But I don’t understand why being kind is so hard.
As your 23 year old grandmother, I have to leave you with, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!