This morning I was lying in my marshmallow fluff of a bed when I realized I’d started to smile because I’d been woken up by the sound of birds chirping.
While it might be a controversial opinion, one of the things that brings me the most joy is waking up at six in the morning, and being greeted by a choir of birds. It’s like having my own little personal cheerleaders as I start my day! And it also makes me feel like a Disney princess, whatever.
The sun peaking through my curtains, birds chirping in the morning, my sheets feeling like the perfect mold to my body, that last final stretch before rolling out of bed because I have to pee.
All things that I’ve always loved, all things that I’ve always been grateful for.
But it wasn’t until this quarantine that I realized how much these small moments in my day really mean to me, and how much they are keeping me sane.
When something happens that has never happened before, like this pandemic, it’s easy to feel like nothing is the same. It’s easy to get caught up in all the hysteria and panic about what your life is going to look like from now on. All the changes you’ll need to make, that are not part of your normal routine, swarm your mind like bees that just realized you destroyed their hive.
It’s really hard to find comfort in the unknown, so instead I’ve been trying to focus on the things that I do know. There is no point of thinking five months ahead, because I can’t even predict tomorrow.
It’s really hard to find comfort in the unknown, so instead I’ve been trying to focus on the things that I do know.
I know myself, and if I plan something out for a set time, or a set date, and it doesn’t happen, I glitch. My heart starts beating fast and I have to talk myself out of an anxiety attack. One thing my OCD thrives on is the idea of routine and a set schedule, so it takes a little extra effort to convince myself that the world is not going to end because brunch has to be rescheduled to NEXT Sunday. Instead of flipping to July 5th in my planner and penciling in the start of a fun vacation, I’m just flipping to the next day and writing myself a reminder to take some time to make a friendship bracelet.
I’m focusing on things I know I can do in the current state, because at the end of the day, I know how privileged I am to be able to quarantine in my apartment.
I’m not spending too much time on the things that have changed about my life since all of this started, because there’s only so much I can do. And besides, so many things are still the same.
Flowers still bloom, smoothie bowls are still delicious, the sun still shines, birds still sing, the seasons are still changing, my favorite sweatpants still feel like a dream, my parents and I still watch a couple of episodes of The Vampire Diaries or New Girl every night, I still get overly invested in every book I read, air fryers are still the fucking shit, music is still a thing, my best friend is still the best person I know, my body can still move, I can still laugh, I am still me, and you are still you.
…I am still me, and you are still you.
As this forced vacation continues to unfold, I don’t know where my thoughts will take me. I am by no means saying that you shouldn’t feel any negative emotion, because I think it’s important to acknowledge your feelings and let them exist, even if it means crying because you dropped your last grape on the floor and it rolled under the radiator. We all have a breaking point ok.
But in the end, I’m not going to spend time focusing a majority of my time on the things that are upsetting me, because I can’t do anything about them. If all I can do right now to help this current situation, is quarantine in my apartment, then so be it.
My situation could be far worse, and I think the small things that I enjoy so much without even having to go anywhere, or interact with anyone, remind me of that.
I’d love to hear what about your life is still the same, even though so much has changed.