I was taking a walk with my dad yesterday while describing, in detail, the latest episode of Criminal Minds that I just watched. Without skipping a beat, I stopped my synopsis to fawn over the sunset, before going right back to what I was saying.
This is something I do a lot. Not just when I’m talking, but when I’m thinking, too.
I have so many thoughts going in and out of my mind, that often have nothing to do with each other at all. Thinking about these thoughts made me think of another thought, and that thought is that I have so many thoughts that are not long enough for entire blog posts, but maybe if I just typed them all into one post as they filtered through my head, it could work.
So bare with me, there will be little structure to what is happening here, since I’m quite literally going to just write every single thing that pops into my head, in the order that I think it.
For starters, if you think the buttered popcorn flavor of Jelly Belly jellybeans is the best flavor, stay the fuck away from me. Toasted marshmallow and tutti frutti are clearly superior, and I can see how some other flavors could also hold your number one slot, but BUTTERED POPCORN?! I just feel like maybe you’re a serial killer and I don’t want that kind of energy around me.
Speaking of serial killers, I’ve been watching a lot of Criminal Minds lately and she (me) is very paranoid your honor! I can no longer do anything outside without being suspicious of everyone. This was already kind of the case because I am a woman, but now, every time I pass someone I try and gage if they are a psychopath. Also, I’m equally in love with Reid and Morgan. Also, also, I would die for Garcia.
This summer I redid my entire room and I have yet to find the perfect chair for my desk. It’s really hard to furnish your space when your design aesthetic is Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette meets the 80s with a sprinkle of cottagecore.
I know nobody likes hearing about dreams, so I won’t tell you about my dream last night, BUT I will tell you about my dreams in general. They are very realistic, like if someone touches me in a dream, I can still feel the touch after waking up. So you can imagine my shock when I wake up and realize that Harry Styles didn’t actually tell me to text him.
My microwavable dessert game goes so hard. I probably make cinnamon rolls every other day now.
Also can someone please recommend something for me to actually bake? I was baking literally every week at the start of quarantine and now I’ve resorted to a microwave when the mood hits. I’m not complaining, but I would also like to apply myself a little bit more.
Aly, from the iconic pop duo Aly & AJ, is so pretty, I get emotional every time I see her face.
I had a vegan Big Mac the other day and it had pickles in it. I hate pickles, but these mother fuckers were so good. I couldn’t believe the way my tastebuds betrayed me. Apparently they were bread and butter pickles, and I’ve come to understand that it’s controversial to like them.
Do any of you have those things that you can’t think of for too long because you’ll probably have a panic attack? One of those things for me is airplanes. They don’t make sense, don’t even try and explain the physics to me, I’ll fight you.
Every single day I realize more and more that nothing will make me more miserable than working a 9-5 for the rest of my life. So please follow me on Instagram and let me be my own boss hahahaha. Just kidding but kind of not really. Isn’t it crazy that your following on an app opens so many doors? That doesn’t sit right with me.
Have you guys watched Atlantis: The Lost Empire? That was one of my favorite movies growing up and I was literally in love with Kida. Who do I have to send a strongly worded email to in order to make her an official Disney princess? Ugh, my underrated queen.
Dancing with the Stars comes back this Monday and the fact that Tom Bergeron has been replaced by Tyra Banks makes me violent. That man was the best part of the show.
Obviously we hate conservatives in this house, but you know what we also hate? People who dare argue with you about a political issue when they don’t know anything about politics AND DON’T EVEN VOTE. I also can’t relate to really patriotic people. How do you love America that much. Seems sus.
You know those things that aren’t racist, but feel racist? Let me give you some examples, having an American flag in front of your house, wearing Vineyard Vines or Brooks Brothers, those messy buns that fan out and aren’t actually messy, and fluffy, white dogs.
I was peeling a potato for dinner today and I skimmed my finger and had no concern for the hanging skin on my finger, just wanted to make sure my fresh gel manicure was okay.
Every time someone tells me they do Keto my arteries clog. I can’t even imagine how terrible your poops are, please eat some fiber.
I talk about sexuality a lot but I don’t really talk about it too much in a personal sense. I definitely like men, but I’m also definitely physically attracted to women. I don’t really know what that means, I’m just not gonna label it, ok?
Have a good morning, afternoon, or night. Thanks for getting through this chaos. I promise I’ll never do this again, unless you want me to.
xoxo.